bugbeverage | RYSLIG: IC Contact + In Person Threads

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ryslig

RYSLIG: IC Contact + In Person Threads

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<< orionsarmpit >> THE FOLLOWING IS AN AUTOMATED MESSAGE: welcome 2 the hottest inbox around fellow hot monster!!! if you want to get in contact with the ghost and or naga and or whatever i am today with the MOST you are in the right place. are you a spirit in need of scare coaching to reclaim your dwelling from pesky humans or do you simply want a little advice for adding more chaos to your day? or are you single and looking for love? you dont have to be single ;) ;) ;) just say my name and ill be right there in two shakes xoxoxox BJ

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So my boss at the radio station had his birthday last night, yeah? Invited a whole bunch of us to his boyfriend's vampire bar. ALREADY awesome...

[but wait. THERE'S MORE]

woah hey hey why wasnt i informed about a vampire boyfriend party? is my RDOS on the fritz?? helo?

Man if I'd known I could have brought a plus one I totally would have. Though ... given the rest of the story that mighta been a little weird, not sure on that one. Trust me, I'm getting to it.

ANYWAY, they were giving out flights of that Red Alert stuff ... I had one of each. With the owner. Guy went shot for shot with me. ... By the way, the coffee one is DISGUSTING. I got not only buzzed, but I'm high out of my mind, which I'm pretty sure I've never been before. I'm seein' colors Crayola never even began to dream up, all that monster hunger bullshit is about as far away as China, and I'm thinking my night can't get any better than this.

what the fuck man i might as well change my name to strawberry because i am JELLY right now!!!!!

Well, let me sweeten the deal for you. They're getting married this week. You can be my plus one to the wedding, because I'm pretty sure the reception is going to be just as far off the chain if not even MORE so.

I mean, come on, I bet you're great at weddings.

ill accept that. i can even sing!

so what happens after you get zooted to the moon???

Me too. I even play ukelele. Like, a little. Maybe we can write them a funny song full of vampire and goblin puns.

BUT YEAH so it gets to last call, the regular patrons all get kicked out, so it's just everyone from the party left... and my boss? Phil? Proceeds to strip down to his shorts and go "okay, who's up for an orgy?"

what a cowinkydink i play banjolele! we should start some kind of cover band together!

o

m

g!!!!!

tell me you partook dont leave me hangin!!!

Oh my god YES, cover band. That would be amazing. We could do shit on my radio show, it'd be epic.

But uh - at first I wasn't really sure because - well, you saw the theatre thing, you know how bad trying to get it on with Faye went! But then I remembered that I don't have my powers here, so that crazy defense system can't cockblock me anymore. And I wasn't sure if I was into guys? But it turns out I'm into just about anybody if they're into me. And they were. Three guys and two chicks, to be exact.

... Though in hindsight I'm pretty sure the horse tackle had something to do with it.

well youre an attractiive guy! cant blame em!

and hey if youre feelin adventurous i AM part bull you know ;) ;) ;)

keep going!

You think? Thanks, dude.

As for the offer, I'll have to think about it. Might be a little weird unless I've got a few drinks in me first.

But - yeah, okay, so, there was this smokin' hot bird lady - gorgeous eyes, ALL the curves, the works. And she walks up and just looks me up and down and goes 'is it true what they say about horses'? Like, no hi how's it going, just hey man, what're you packing? And before I know what's even going on she's got me wrapped around her finger and stripping. Hot. As. Hell.

oh its going to be weird no matter what and thats a promise ;o

i would ask which bird but the way everyone around here changes species like their socks theres no point

what happened next stud

Red Alert, then. The strawberry kind.

[yes. yes he is actually planning for this contingency. why? well, why not? especially since BJ seems like he's into it]

one of those ones with the giant eyelash feathers and the legs up to the top of Mount Everest. hot as hell. especially since she basically decided that foreplay was for losers and wanted me to just ... get to business.

you got it pal. you got me on the edge of my seat.

And she was on the edge of the table. Like, I figured, she wanted to get right to it, we could do that. So I bent her over it and - man.

MY MAN.

She was completely commando under that LBD. It was all I could do to not get right in there. But I didn't want to hurt her. This isn't a brag, man, it's the size of my damn wrist when it's ready to party.

oh wow the fog did you a nice one!!!!

us farm animals got lucky i guess wink wink

but come on man quit stalling tell me the good part!

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RYSLIG: IC Contact + In Person Threads

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<Craydar> keywords relevant AF

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<Craydar> for any folks in the audience, the NSFW starts here

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